On Levity & the Nature of Coping Mechanisms

Okay, first let me just say that after reading the comments on my last post, I've come to the conclusion that even though Zeke didn't phrase it this way exactly, "in the name of Slender Man's wanking arm" is the best "in the name of" phrase I've discovered since "in the name of David Bowie's sainted left testicle."

I suppose that's inappropriate, though. I've been making jokes like that a lot lately -- just offhand remarks, black humor, poking light fun at our situation. I usually do it by myself or with Violet (who's been doing it just as much as I have), because when I do it around people, it gets pretty awkward. Last Monday and Tuesday, Vi and I were going at it like pros, like it wasn't even happening to us. We actually laughed at our own misfortune. Neither of us really knew why.

I've been thinking about it. Levity isn't exactly an admirable trait, and I'm much more serious here than I am elsewhere, but I can't help that when I'm uncomfortable, I try to make a joke. Laughter breaks tension, and sometimes, it even makes it hurt just a little bit less. Maybe I'm still hoping that Rose will turn up, that she'll have just run off somewhere and all the loose ends will be tied and we'll laugh looking back at it. Maybe I'm an idiot.

As far as serious situations go, this is probably somewhere near the "Awful Shit" end of the scale. But whether or not I cry myself to sleep evey night is nobody's business, because nobody sees that. But I can't very well cry everywhere I go, can I? How would I ever manage to type?

And I suppose there is a bigger reason why I try to laugh things off. I've always been of the belief that there are some things in this world so bad, so depressing, or so flat-out evil that they are prepared for and can take any amount of negative emotion one can throw at them. He's used to fear, to anger, to hatred, and to sorrow. We can't change that. And when you come across something like that, sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh at it. At the very least, you'll surprise it a little.

So maybe it's my subconscious weapon. Maybe it's my daft hope. Maybe Vi and I really do laugh to keep from crying. In any case, it works. I am feeling better than I was two weeks ago, although that's not saying a whole lot.

I'm going to try to make this blog a little lighter-hearted, because honestly, it's such a downer I shocked that you guys would even read it. I can't guarantee that it'll be any less depressing in the future because I (obviously) don't know what's going to happen, but I'm going to try. Some of my future posts will probably be forced attempts at discussing the non-Slender aspects of my life, which will undoubtedly be less depressing by sheer fact that they don't have him in them, but I think that's healthy.

I've also been thinking about taking some video of myself and Violet (and maybe our friend Allie; you know, the amazing one I haven't told you much about? Maybe I'll do a post about her.) and posting it here, somehow. I have one of those stupid little Flip cameras, and I haven't really gotten to use it much. I'm not sure whether this thing has a video function, or whether I'll have to go through the YouTube. What do you think, semi-nonexistent readers? Would you like to see some lovely faces, and my face too?

I feel okay today. I think I'm going to call Vi and see if I can't make her smile, too.