The Anniversary & The End

Last Tuesday was the anniversary of Rose's disappearance. It's difficult to imagine now that she has been gone from my life for that long. I thought about posting here, but instead I decided to take some time and really think about it.

I still miss her. I miss her like hell, actually. She was the joy of my life for a long while. She and I helped each other with everything. We talked about boys. We supported each other. She helped me through the ordeals with Angel.

And when she needed me, I failed. If I'd had faith in her, if I'd believed her when she said something was wrong, would she still have been taken?

I suppose it's useless to ask now, when all I have of her is the ghost in my dreams.

It was a gruelling ten-hour drive from Maryland to Massachusetts, which we made in a practical caravan, my car in front and my dad with his truck and all my stuff behind. He insisted on helping me move, saying that I couldn't expect to drive back and forth like I did for Ocean City.

The Haven will be left in Violet's hands for the time being. She'll be keeping me in touch with all the goings-on. There is no one more qualified to guard it.

As for me, I'm three weeks into my classes at Miskatonic and loving every minute. My professors are mostly fantastic, and the people in the dorms even more so. My own roommate, Lisa, and I don't really see eye to eye, but that's more of a personality difference.

Then there's Soren. He lives two floors down from me and he's in my acting class. We were paired up for one of the small projects so far and we really hit it off, as it were. He's got a fantastic sense of humor that's just like mine, and he loves movies like me. He's an excellent listener and seems really interested in what I say, and I'm fascinated by all the things he has to bring to conversation.

My life is back on track ... except for the incident before I left for school, things are pretty normal. Because of that, I've made a decision.

I'm not going to be posting here anymore.

I hate looking at my archive and being reminded of everything that's happened in the last year. I don't want to keep reliving it like it's part of some sick fantasy. I want to start anew. Even if I can't forget ... that doesn't mean I want to remember.

I can't look back just because my past taps me on the shoulder or grabs my attention in my dreams. I need to look forward.

Then again, I do love having you guys to talk to. And sometimes I feel like there's some higher being forcing me to keep coming back and writing down what I think and feel -- call it my own personal obsessive compulsion.

So I'll be making a new blog. A new blog for a new life. Other than examining my aunt's book, I won't let anything hold me back from living.

Here's to a better year, you guys.

I think it's gonna be fantastic.